I never thought of myself as brave. Never. Not even now. And that’s the problem. I’ve always been safe. That’s a problem. I’ve been telling myself ever since I started college that I would change that: I’d be bold, and speak out, and be resolute. I’d fail and not feel crushed enough to stop trying. But for the past two years I didn’t feel like I had changed enough. I’m not going to pretend like I don’t know why, because I do. The problem was and still is myself, and the fact that the fear of change paralyzes me most of the time instead of forcing me to get off my ass. I am my own worst enemy.
But I’m my own greatest ally, too. Last year in October I cut off most of my hair. Initially it wasn’t anything serious, I just wanted something different. But this change came with a lot of work and it was tiring at first but after a while I realized that I had to do it because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be happy with myself. Then I got this GREAT idea to apply this notion to the everything else that was happening in my life and guess what, things started looking up. I have new strengths, as well as a better understanding of my existing ones. I’m not entirely where I want to be right now but I’m getting there. Even though my work ethic needs work, I can get shit done. I am good at things. I think its brave that I can admit to my faults and admittance is the first step right?
I’m brave because I have a passion for art and design and even though A LOT of people think it’s useless (they don’t know what they’re talking about), I’m still going to pursue it, and make something of it, because I (kind of) don’t care about the money. I just want to make a living doing what I love, not living off of whatever job can earn the most money. I have friends and cousins my age who don’t know what their passion is or they don’t have a clue about what they want to do after school, and I get smug and feel good about myself because I’m the exact opposite. I have a vision, I have direction, I just need to muster up enough courage step further out of my comfort zone, to go big or go home to get what I want in life.